I have recently been busy. Very busy. As in; 7 day week busy. For the past three months.
I have found this quite difficult as I am balancing quite a few things: A full on university course, an intense part time job, a long distance relationship, some what of a social life, an ongoing health problem and trying to make time for myself between all of this.
I knew that moving to London would be difficult with choosing to have no financial support from my parents (not really much of a choice, more of the fact that I have developed a high standard of living from working and making money from the age of 16 and now want to work for my own money.) but I didn’t really think that I would feel this exhausted every single day.
Sometimes I wake up and I wonder ‘when will this end?’ and other times I wake up and love my life.
Today I don’t know how I feel, a 2pm start is nice compared to the usual 9am ones, and I know that everything is winding down to just wind back up again.
I am now as of tomorrow going to be working solidly for the next two weeks, to then go to new york with my best friend for the week of christmas, and as soon as I land back in the UK going to my hometown to see my parents.
I also find out at the end of the week what is wrong with me and if the arthritis I am experiencing is something that is going to last for the rest of my life or if I have a long list of other things that are going to be problematic.
I am finding it hard to deal with things. However I have just had two days off and seeing how I reacted to having to deal with not much at all; that didn’t go down too well either.
I wasted 6 hours of my day watching Law and Order. I suppose it was nice to escape to a drone like daze, but at the same time not as I am usually incredibly mentally active. I think I need to buy a book as most evenings I will come home and watch something and become a zombie.
I have a list as long as my arm with things that I genuinely needed to do and instead of doing them I took this stubborn approach to days off as a chance to do menial things and then do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Oh and go to the hospital and have the nurse who took my blood make me look like a crack addict.
Maybe I find it really hard to be by myself? I usually fill my day up with things that I HAVE to do, and then when I have a day off I sit there being miserable with nothing I have to do. Do I place my importance on how productive I am? My happiness on how much of my time I use up? Because that is a very unhealthy way to live, and I really think that this is how I am living.