Limbo.

Nightmare scare

Today I had a bit of a rubbish day. 
I don’t know how to explain everything without being blunt about it so here goes;

I have an ivory osteoma on the back of my head in the lower cortex region. An Ivory oesteoma is a benign bone tumor, and are usually removed for cosmetic reasons only. I have had it since I was 13 and that was also the last time I had it checked on. Where it is placed is really difficult as it is right above the place which controls nerves, balance etc. So if left it could cause problems, but if operated on it could cause problems also. It has now probably doubled in size, and in the past six years my balance has become increasingly worse, and I have a feeling that it has something to do with this. That and the fact that whenever I lie down I feel pressure on it. 
Up until now it has never bothered me, I could never feel it, and I wasn’t really aware of it ever being a nuisance. This morning I almost fell down the stairs holding about five glasses. 
Usually that would not upset me, but it got me so paranoid that it was because of said situation. I mean, what if it gets worse? What if I become a complete hazard to the entire world etc?

I know that it is likely that this isnt the reason for my poor balance, but anyhow it got me worried.
So after that happened I went to college, and then came home at lunchtime to do paper cutting. I then realised that in fact I had left my cutting board at college.
This did not seem to be a problem at first, so I grabbed some cardboard and attempted cutting. Then my swivel knife broke. Which then made me cry for about ten minutes at how much I’d wasted my day and that I only have two weeks to finish my final major project and I still don’t know what I’m doing really, panic etc etc.

Then I got a knock at my door. (This doesn’t happen often as I literally live in a field. we have two neighbours and a total of 8 houses in cantlop.) 
I open it to find my lovely boyfriend who had biked to college, got my cutting board for me, and an extra knife. This then caused me to cry even more because it is probably the nicest and most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me.
It made me realise how lucky I am to have such a caring boyfriend as my rock. I am so happy, and I can’t get over how much I have changed for the better since being with him. I never thought I’d ever love anyone, and now I don’t know how I could ever love anyone else.
I’m astoundingly lucky to be with someone as amazing, and I am incredibly excited about my life. I am moving to London in 3 months to start a course at Chelsea, and essentially set my life up. I am going there with a job in hand, and determination to make something of myself, and I am really happy and excited.